Siege of Esperon V

Now ya lissen 'ere! Lissen to da Dok!

Dere wuz so meny wayz we kud go. Decishuns decishuns! Gibbletz! We need a gretchen direkshun pikka! Gets ova ‘ere! I pikked ’im up, spins ’im round and wurred ’im to a wall. Dataway! To da big sprit in da erff! Da climmin’ wulda been tuff, so we sent Gibblitz down, an all ‘e saw wuz a swingin’ bridge. Not much ‘elp dere! Right, ’ere we go! Down da paff wiff brokken meers!
Sumfing wuzen right doh. Even da ’umie felt it. ’e started ’is whinin’ prayas, an’ it made sumfing angry! Akatakka an’ me goz ta check, an’ da wall reeshed out and tried eatin’ da skelly. Now I’z gettin’ ‘ungry sumtimes, but neva fer a skelly. Dat muck up ya toofas! Den da wall startz its talkin’! Called ‘isseff Squibby or Squiggish or sumfish. ’e said ’e wuz ’ungry, askin’ uz fer food. Me calls fer Gork winced ‘is moufs an’ eyez, buts ‘e kep goin’. So I’z went back, scrapped sum of da Gretchen jellyz off da floor, an’ sends it don ol’ Sumfish’s gullet. ‘e took it all, devowerin’ it like ‘e wuz starvin’. Sumfing not right bout it. Too meny moufs and eyez, and not a toof fer me ta keep!
Sumfish ‘ad ’isseff a nice afta foody nappy—az I’z sumtimes do meself—an’ we wend on. Da bridge Gibblets saw wuz not so skelly lookin’, all wobby an’ such. Gibblets went furst, showin’ off ‘ow iz so eazy fer ’im. Git. Den da ’umie went, an’ sumfing went dark. Floata Necra bits came down fum da shadowz an’ dey bringin’ a dark clowd wit ‘em. I wuz right close, an’ still culdin’ see in. I ‘eard ’em snappin’ at an’ fightin’ da ‘umie—not much to lissen ta—so I’z sended some shoota rounds dere way. I donna care much fer da ‘umie, but ’e donna good distrakken dem fer me ta shootz at ’em. Dis wuz da most ’elp ’e’s eva dun!
Ah gotz offsum good shotz at da floatas. Dinged ‘em up good I’z did! Da skelly and da Towie did wat dey cud. Dey try an’ save da ‘umie, but ’e wuz manga’d up fearce. Dis Dok woodinagivin up so eazy! Where wuz Gibblets? Hiding me finks. Diddina see ‘im at all da cowwad! Da bestest part, wuz da skelly Akamataka finded sum ’umie bits wit a chain choppa! CHAIN CHOPPA! Not as ’urty as me big choppa, but ’andy fer kwik ampytashuns. Don’ worry, I put it back afta ya fikksed up good! Ba ha!
Where nowz? Darez wata in da way…

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