Siege of Esperon V

da Mad Dok Gooba Noksuf

Dat wuz a good ‘ard fite, eh twaz. Da boyz be proud—Ah! Gettin’ an’ead uv meself…
I’z leff off wit da skelly gettin’ pissy at me, ya? An’ we in sum skelly cave…
A’korse ‘e came at me furst-da biggest Dok ’e’d eva seen no queshun bout dat! Da uvers wern’t be muchuva story afta. So da ditz skelly an’ me skwared off. Da uver skelly Akanatak (sumfing like dat) did sum fightin’ too. ‘Ay fink da Towza an’ da ‘umie an’ Gilbets did sum shootin’, but not tryin’ too ‘ard. Da skelly wuz right fizzed afta sum pummlin’, an’ I’z took an ‘ard wallop—took ’is choppa frew me gutz—allz da way frew me! Me legz wern’t givin’ up, so deys stood waitin’ fer da rest. Me top ‘af wuz on da way to da grund, but me big choppa don’ miss eazy, an’ struck ‘em good. Gork be ’appy, I’z kut da skelly aparts!
So dis Dok wuz’n da ruff, no queshun’, but me beins unuv da Painboyz—da meanest Mad Dok—I’z pulled meself togeva an’ took da skellyz choppa! WAAAAGH! Viktory iz mine!
Wit me legs all stitchyated, da Orky ‘unt wuz on, finkin’ I’z find moar skellys. Sumfing got Amakataka fussy, an’ ‘e fink ’e shuv me so eazy, but ’eez da unza fallin’ don sum steps! Baha! Den I ‘eard sumfing, an’ find me sum fightin’ Gretchens I did. Afta a good ol’ Orky greetin’, deyz got scared an’ pokied wit tiny stikks. No Gretchen gon gettin’ dis Dok down. Da big choppa made eazy spread jellyz wit ‘em. Amataka chased ’em awayz. I fink maybes dey took sumfing, cuz ’e wuz mad. Dat an’ everyunz shootin’ at da Gretchens. Wasted ammo ya’sk me. Da slippry pock-‘eads run off like dey do, but me an’ Gibblitz gotz us sum teef.
Dis wuz a good day. Wiff sum sweepin’, dis Dok iz back in tip-top fightin’!

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